The Most Difficult Cake in The World.

The single most frustrating object for a home cook to bake is the Japanese Cotton Cheesecake.

Macarons? Croissants? Croquembouche? Sure those are difficult, but we expect them to be difficult.
You go to culinary school, you wear aprons and chef hats to make them.

But the Japanese cotton cheesecake? This JCC?

Behind its unassuming appearance, hides a competitive underground sport.

Not for the Japanese, no, they walk into an Uncle Tetsu or Uncle Rikuro and pay money for it.

It's for the Asian aunties like your mum.

For them, this is the UFC of home baking.

Their quest is to make the most perfect, fluffiest, non-collapsing Japanese cotton cheesecake, and post it on their blogs (yes, blogs) to show off their affluence.

Don’t trust me? Google it.

In fact, the most searched and proven recipe belongs to Craft Passion (2017), which was modified by I shoot I eat I post (2014), which was inspired by Diana’s Dessert (2004).

They always start by saying it's easy.

Super easy.

That's how they get to you, like a reverse-psychology MLM pyramid scheme.

She even made it in your kitchen. Your mother, using basic ingredients - cream cheese, egg, flour, sugar, all home brand. From Aldi.

Your daughter loves it.

Nai Nai's fuwa fuwa cake, she said.

Then one day, you decided to make it yourself.

How hard can it be, right?

You fail spectacularly.

But because you're Asian and you're too proud to ask your mum, you troubleshoot that shit.

You fail, again. This time it cracked.
The cake is laughing at you.

Still, the fault can't be on you. You, the highly educated sophisticated food photographer. You, the only normal cousin within the family tree, started measuring your oven temperature. It must be the recipe. But just to be safe you buy some rubbish gadget to separate the yolks from the white. You make sure you beat the eggwhites right. You even measure their weight. .

That darn thing finally rises.
" I got you now motherfucker," you said, only to find it collapsing when you turn off the oven.

And on your 7th failed attempt you start to question reality.
This is not some Heston Blumenthal El Bulli dish; it's something made by an Asian auntie, your mother, IN YOUR KITCHEN.
With caged eggs for god's sake.

After failing your 12th attempt, you 'casually' gave her a call.

After talking about the weather and some formality you finally snuck in a question - little hint like 'so do you sift the flour when you make that whatchamacallit cheesecake you made here last year?'

You can't see it, but you know she's having that look on her face. That same look Buddha gave when Monkey King said he urinated on five giant mountains somewhere so far no one would ever, ever know.

Slowly, over time, she feeds you random advice.

First, you need the right 20cm cake tin. The ones that don’t come off with an attachment. It has to be completely sealed. Do you have the right tin? No? Then wrap aluminium foil under it and pray it doesn't leak. Also, don't butter the tin. Use baking paper to surround it.

You failed attempt no. 15.
You tried lowering the temperature this time - it just became a flat and dense looking pound cake.
You've seen better dog faeces.

Did you make sure the cream cheese, butter and milk come to room temperature? You need to make sure you have a water bath in your oven.

You need to make sure your meringue is somewhere between soft and hard peak. Too soft; it won’t rise; too hard, it’ll collapse.

Attempt no.19 - unsuccessful.

You need to make sure you fold, not stir, FOLD all mixture lightly. If you go too hard, the cake will collapse; if you don’t fold enough, it won’t rise consistently and you’ll have the big cracks.

You failed attempt no. 21.

Never use the convection setting - top and low heat only. Also, place the cake at the lowest rack. Did you do the low-temperature then high-temperature method (110°C for 20 min then 160°C for 25min)? Or the high-temperature then low-temperature method (180°C for 20 min then 140°C for 25min)? Or the 150°C, then 130°C, then 110°C method?

Did you check the cooling period? Some say you should leave the oven door ajar by sticking your glove / a chopstick in the last 30 min. Some say just leave the cake in the oven until room temperature. Did you bang the tin right after taking out of the oven? It will prevent it from collapsing. Did you take it out from the water bath? Because the hot water might overcook the bottom.

Attempt no. 24, you lost patience and didn't fold it quite right this time.
You knew it’s not gonna work before you put it in the oven.

Did you use cream of tartar to stabilise the egg whites?
Did you give the mixture one last stir with a toothpick?
Did you make sure the baking paper isn't too high to block the oven?
Did you? Did you? Did you?

Is this her way of trolling, or simply asserting control over your adult life? Is this how she gets you to talk to her? Is she enjoying this? You don't know what to think.

Eventually, you stopped talking to mum.

It is now your 30th attempt in 3 years.

You now know the sale cycle of the twin-pack Philadelphia cream cheese at your local supermarket.

Your wife said 'it's ok they still taste good'. She might as well slap and spit on your face. Cream cheese, sugar, butter taste good from the fridge. The whole point of baking is alchemy. You just want it to puff and fluff, and stay there without cracking. Is that too much to ask?

Emotionally, you're in a fetal position.

You still bake, but not for love. Not anymore, you do it out of habit. Muscle memory. As you whisk you wonder how did it end up like this? Was it to prove that you're better than your mum? Better than the strangers on the internet? Is it self-expression? Is it an inferiority complex - just to prove that you can? How far will you shift the blame? A new mixer? A new oven? You don’t even finish the whole cake anymore, you give away to friends. You have flashbacks of your mum giving away her mooncakes, zongzis, CNY cookies.

Attempt 42. Still collapsing over the top.

You finally accepted that you have no one to blame but yourself. You’re weak and useless and will never amount to anything in life. If you can't bake a basic cheesecake at home, what right do you have to chase your dreams, raise a daughter, find happiness?

So after some counselling and meditation, your therapist said serenity comes when you trade expectations for acceptance.

Maybe, like what your wife said, no one really cares as long as they have a cake that tastes ... 'ok'.

This is probably why basque burnt cheesecake just became the new salted caramel. Because someone decided to go 'fuck it' and let the whole thing burn to bits.

You have come to accept that golden, fluffy, non-cracking, non-collapsing cheesecake exists in your mind. On the internet. On your long list of ASMR YouTube videos of perfect JCC with Korean and Japanese subtitles. Maybe even on your Facebook group.

Just, not in your immediate reality.

And then, suddenly, one day, there it is.

The perfect Japanese Cotton Cheesecake.
Fluffy, jiggly.
Non-collapsing.
Shimmering in the afternoon sun.

Yet, weirdly, you don't feel a thing anymore.

That little part of your brain and heart that controls excitement, has died a long time ago.
Lost in time, with tears of butter.
You don't even know what you did right, or wrong for that matter.

You make some apricot jam, take a photo.
And move on.

You are now a philosopher.

You thank serendipity.

This cake is simply a mirror, a reflection of a fleeting moment.
The cake is life - the process is easy, but also fragile, complicated.
Teaching you to understand yourself, and simply to cherish the opportunity to have the emotional and financial capacity to bake.
To be present.

It has always been the journey. The intention.

Maybe, one day, when your mum is no longer with you, you'll make it when you think of her.

Maybe, you'll keep making this cake for your daughter, and one day when she becomes a surgeon or a judge, you'll sneak in a conversation during Christmas and when her children love it so much, you will faint surprise.

Maybe, you will say:

' Oh, your mum has never made this for you?'

' But it is SO EASY! '